TBI & CFX... Finding my "new normal"

It's been awhile since I posted my thoughts here. Between finishing my degree in 2015 and getting lost in day to day life, I haven't had it in me to sit down and write. Writing is not my forte. I have struggled getting my thoughts out since the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) in 2006. Things have been getting better in the past few months and I'd like to share why.

In January 2018, I was at a seminar that my employer was putting on for a group of medical professionals. This was the third or fourth seminar I have helped with and I am ashamed to admit that I don't always listen during the presentations. Okay, so... I don't really listen to any of them. I am only there to handle tech issues.

There was one presentation that caught my attention. The presenter was Alina K. Fong, PhD with Cognitive FX. She presented case studies that detailed the work they were doing with patients that have suffered from concussions and TBIs, plus a number of other things that aren't applicable to this post. She mentioned helping someone that had, had a concussion 60+ years prior to treatment. I was shocked that they could heal the brain after so much time. After my TBI, I was told there was nothing I could do but rest and that when I was feeling "better" I would adjust to my "new normal". I spent 12 years trying to find this so called "new normal".

I struggled with a number of things after the TBI but it would probably take hours to list them all, I don't have time for that. Here is just a smidge of my TBI life:

• I had a headache all the time. 
• I couldn't recall anything. 
• My memory was gone. I would go to the store for two things and not remember what I went to the store for.
• I could remember faces so I recognized a lot of people but I could never remember names. Awkward.
• I hated bright lights. 
• My heightened sense of smell was an issue. I can't go into Bath & Body Works without getting sick. 

After the seminar, I debated whether or not this treatment was for me. I made a list of pros and cons. (I am not amazing at lists.)

PROs

Intriguing 

Boss recommends it

Really at this point, I can't get worse

CONs

EXPENSIVE

Will have to miss a week of work 

Ultimately, I decided proceed WITH CAUTION. I am not a cynic. I am a realist and it was a LOT of money. Money that I was going to spend on a new car.

Enter Cognitive FX

The first step was to have a functional MRI done. They essentially scanned my brain while I worked out problems in my head to see where I was struggling. Sounds simple, right? WRONG. I have never felt so broken. I struggled with basic things and my mind started to wander when I tried to focus for too long. I came out of the MRI with a massive headache and a severe sense of deficiency.

Next step was to meet with a member of the CFX team regarding my test results.  This is where I would find out if I was a good fit for the treatment. I was diagnosed with post-concussive syndrome. Based on my test results, they were able to tell me things about myself that I hadn't even mentioned. Now, I know that sounds bad but, I didn't purposefully withhold anything. I dealt with some things for so long, I forgot that they weren't normal. The EPIC treatment was recommended and I scheduled immediately.

I spent a week with the CFX peeps. They were amazing! The treatment I received was tailored to my needs. I wasn't thrown in a group of people that had similar issues to me and made to work as a group. There were people there struggling with some of the same issues as I was but our treatment was individual.  The first day of treatment was hard. I was exhausted and barely made it into bed before falling asleep. Day two was similar but by day three, I woke up without a headache and didn't have one for the rest of the week. Prior to treatment, I woke up with or developed a headache almost every day. (Excedrin was my best friend.) Day four was my last full day of treatment, by this point I was really excited to get back to my life. Day five was the day I re-tested and I showed significant improvements. It wasn't only the test that showed it, I felt it. I felt better.

I can't explain the science behind it all; that's not my area of expertise. All I can say is that it was worth everything I put into it. I won't be getting a new car as soon as I had hoped and I still have some work to do on my anxiety and depression but my brain is finally performing at a level I can be happy with.

Am I back to 100%? No and I never will be, but I am far happier with my "new normal" after working with CFX.

https://www.cognitivefxusa.com/

How did I get here? - Not a Rant

Do you ever sit back, look at your life a wonder, "How did I get here?" I had the opportunity to really look at my life this weekend while I sat at a conference for work. My boss had four presentations on Saturday spread-out through the day which I had the privilege of building Power Points for. As I sat front and center during these presentations, my mind began to wander - some of the presentations were extremely dry - not my boss's, other presenters. I thought about the things in my life that brought me to this point.

2003

I got my first job with a local pizza place. I worked 2 or 3 nights a week and hated every minute of it but my parents didn't raise a quitter so I kept at it. There was one highlight of going to work, the 18 year old assistant manager was dreamy. His name - Charles. He was half Samoan and so funny. I did everything I could to get him to notice me. It wasn't long before we started talking and then hanging out occasionally after work and on weekends. He was an avid gamer so I bought an X-Box and joined in on the gaming. I really liked him. Eventually though he quit his job and he and his family moved away. It's super dramatic to say but I was heartbroken. I really thought at that young age that I was going to marry him. I was 16. My thoughts weren't super rational.

Me. 2005 (I think)

2005

Eventually, I moved on and dated a few people before I found the man I did marry. I graduated from Lehi High School in May 2005, got engaged in July and was married by December. The marriage was definitely a rebellion. I was tired of listening to my parents and thought that I knew what I was doing. Needless to say it didn't last.

2006

I was in an accident that crushed my skull and left me with only partial vision in my left eye.

Regan & Mommy. Feb 2008

2008

My son was born in February and I was promoted to assistant manager at the  same pizza place. I moved stores and helped open the new store in Highland. It was a much needed changed.

Workin' Hard.

2009

I moved to the American Fork store. (I got into a bit of an argument with the new manager at the Highland store and transferred out.) One afternoon, a customer walked in and while I was swiping his card I noticed his last name. I mentioned that I used to work with a McManus. He seemed interested and asked who. I answered, "Charles". He laughed and said that Charles was his son. I was taken aback. Charles! The dreamy assistant manager! Could this really be happening? I had heard that Charles was married so I did the polite thing and asked how they were doing. All I got by way of answer was a head shake. It took me a moment before I realized what he had meant. They weren't together anymore. My heart skipped a beat. I quickly blurted, "I am so sorry to hear that." He smirked and responded with, "We're not." I pondered what to say next. Should I tell him that I was madly in love with his son when I was sixteen? No. Too creepy. How about, "Here's my number, have him call me." No. Too awkward. I settled on a simple request, "Tell Charles I say 'Hi'."

Me, Regan & Charles. Nov 2010

2010

That request changed my life. In January, we went on our first date. Because neither of us had very much money we settled on his parent's couch and watched movies. We found time to talk as often as we could. I was working full time, had Regan and was also going to school full time. By April, we were engaged and in November we married. Shortly after, I quit my job to focus solely on school.

2011

In November, Charles and I found out that we were expecting the day before our first anniversary. It was an exciting time for both of us.

2012

Regan, Daddy & Zander. June 2012

I graduated with my Associates in Accounting, Charles adopted Regan and I gave birth to our second son. In November, we realized that we needed some extra cash for Christmas so, I started working graveyards stocking shelves for a toy store. A dear friend of mine found out that I was working overnights for $8.25 an hour and got me an interview with an attorney at the law firm she works for. I can remember being nervous to interview for a job that I didn't think I was qualified for but didn't let that stop me. I brought my resume as unimpressive as it was and was shocked when I was offered the position during the interview.

2013

I started work on my birthday January 2nd and have been their since.

2014

That brings us back to where I am are currently. It's 2014, I am 27 years old. I am married to an amazing man, have two wonderful sons and I work for a PI (personal injury) attorney.

Regan, Charles, Me & Zander. Dec 2013

So that's the story of how I got to where I am. I really think that looking back on the decisions that I have made and the experiences I have lived through, helps to give me perspective. I have been irritated lately about a few things, some that I felt were extremely important, but as I sat and thought about all that I have been through, most of the irritants feel petty and stupid. They are things that I need to just let go of and move on from. I work daily on letting things go and hopefully sometime soon I will be able to say that those things from the past that I don't like, are in the past.

Comic Con

Oh, Comic Con, I didn't think I was going to like you and yet surprisingly, I did.  Even with the mass amounts of people, I enjoyed walking around through all the booths and seeing all the clever and not so clever costume designs. There were a few things that are definitely worth highlighting.

Briona, Me, Adam Baldwin, Charles and Ian

One. All of the celebrities that we talked to were so nice! We had pictures taken with Gates McFadden, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn, Adam Baldwin and Sir Patrick Stewart. Each one of them was smiling and happy to be there. I mean I know that celebrities get paid to be there but they were just nice people. Each photo shoot went about the same, we stood in line for an extended period of time, finally got in to take our picture, spent a split second shaking hands and saying hello before we were whisked out for the next group of people. I was not thrilled with the way the lines were set-up but more on that in a bit.


Two. While Ian (my brother) was getting a signed photo from Marina Sirtis, we got a chance to really talk to her. She asked us our names and when I told her that my name is Hawaiian she got a confused look in her eye before she stated that I didn't look Hawaiian, I looked like a "haole girl". I think I kinda went into shock. I wasn't offended or anything, I mean I am approximately 67% Caucasian, so I do have fair skin. The part that was shocking was that she knew the term. It's not widely used here in Utah.

Three. The last really great experience worth mentioning was watching how happy Charles (my husband) and Ian were when they got to have their picture taken with the Back to the Future DeLorean. They were beaming! Charles stood on the hover-board hanging on to the side of the DeLorean while Ian sat in the driver's seat. I took a lot of pictures while Briona (my sister in law) videoed the whole thing. They even got Official DeLorean Time Machine licenses. They were so proud.

Being that this blog is called "Rantings of a Hapa Hawaiian", it would be remiss of me if I didn't point out the things that I did not like/enjoy about Comic Con. There were quite a few things that I could have lived without and there were simple solutions for all of them. I am only going to list a few.

Problem: The costumes. So many of them were clever and obviously someone put a lot of thought and effort into them, like Elsa from Frozen or the Black Knight that kept jumping out at people. Then there were the ones that were like a train wreck that I could not look away from. The worst of these was the girl that was hiding in a booth because I am fairly certain her "costume" violated the Comic Con Cosplay rules. She was literally wearing nothing. Everything was painted on her body. She had a couple of pasties and a sheer thong covering up her girly bits and NOTHING else. Now I am sure many people appreciated her willingness to walk around basically naked but I did not. She looked like she belonged in a strip club. It was seriously ridiculous. I mean come on. There were children present.

Solution: Put some clothes on!

Problem: The lines. I don't mind waiting in line. I have probably waited in one line or another for about half my life at this point, but I do not like waiting longer than I have too because of someone else's incompetence.  There were a lot of lines but the ones that caused the most problems were the ones for the photos. These lines were split up so that VIP pass holders had their own line. The next line for non-VIP started in the front next to the VIP line and more lines were added for more people, each starting at the front. Once all the VIP made it through, the next line started and so on and so forth. The problem with running lines like this is that the people who were rude and inconsiderate of others kept tacking themselves on the end of the first lines making it take 20 to 90 minutes longer than it should have. Who thought that was a good idea?!

Line waiting for photos with Sir Patrick Stewart 

Solution: Serpentine lines. When we got to the Con we waited in a serpentine line. There were lines taped on the ground creating a magical barrier that most of society has been trained to follow. Everyone followed the person in front of them and we all got into the Con without anyone feeling like they should have gotten before the ten people that tacked themselves onto the line next to them. 

Problem: ComicCon Staff. The last major thing that really cause irritation were the people working the Con. Not the vendors or anything but the actually Comic Con crew. There were Czars (Golden Rod Shirts), Team Leads (Bright Orange Shirts), Volunteers (Faded Orange Shirts), Security (Red Shirts), etc. We learned very early on in the day that only one shirt color could be trusted for information, Golden Rod. The rest didn't know what was going on. They gave out wrong directions, moved lines back and forth for no reason, let other people go first because they couldn't remember where they had put the line they weren't supposed to move. They were rude and snippy and surprised when people got angry about it. I had a person, who was not in any of the color coordinated shirts but was a Comic Con employee, pester me trying to get a response. She thought better of it when Charles snapped at her. I don't think she would have appreciated the reaction that was brewing under the surface. I am pretty sure I would have ended up in jail had she pushed. She was half my size. I could have easily knocked her over and slammed her head into the ground a few times before anyone stopped me.

Solution: Train your people better. We PAID to get into this convention. We PAID to get our pictures taken with the celebrity guests. We are PAYING customers. Treating your customers like garbage is bad for business. There would be less fires to put out if your people knew what to do. Instead of standing around mouthing off at people, teach them to treat the customers with respect. If it weren't for the paying customers, conventions wouldn't exist. There have to be customers to make money, so how about treating them with some respect. Now I am not saying you should take abuse or anything but when you screw up, take ownership of it. Don't say things like, "Well, we were going to shut it down because there were too many people so you should be happy that you are even getting a picture". I can tell you with certainty. This attitude does not go over well. Especially since you were unwilling to give refunds. 

Aside from those things, Comic Con was an exciting, agreeable experience. I plan to attend again in September.